"The view backward (so-called "hind sight") looks clearer, but only because now
we know how it turned out."
"We learn more from our 'mistakes' than we do from our successes."
"It is a mistake to think that you can or should avoid making mistakes."
"Without trial and error, mistakes and learning experiences, there might be no point
in our being here at all."
Choices and Life Experience
When clearing memories and habits, it pays big dividends to keep in mind that our
"choices" in life can only be made with the actual information we have at the time
of the choice. That can be a very narrow band of information, given our age and
all of the other potentially limiting factors, such as our cultural, family and
neighborhood context, level of education, life experience and relative freedom from
fear at the moment of the choice or decision.
Choices, Consequences, Mistakes, and Learning Experiences
Once we make a choice, we get the consequences of that choice: we get feedback about
how the choice worked out for us. "Consequences" are simply whatever happens next.
Even though they're often random, unpredictable and confusing, consequences have
a powerful shaping effect on our future behavior. They give us data which our mind
uses to "calculate" our next moves.
Since humans are born without knowing anything, we learn everything from experience.
Some people call learning experiences "mistakes," because such experiences seem
to miss the mark we were aiming for-and they can be painful. These "mistakes" are
made with less information than we have after the event is over. Since we now have
more information than we did when we made the initial decision, it's tempting to
judge ourselves for not doing a better job of it at the time. That is inaccurate
and unhelpful. It perpetuates bad habits.
The view backward (so-called "hind sight") looks clearer, but only because now we
know how it turned out. At the time we didn't know how it would turn out, so we
had to take our best shot without the benefit of the information in the rearview
mirror. Hind sight is no sight at all. Keeping this in mind will help you clean
up memories and clear out bad habits when you're tempted to judge your younger or
more naïve self. Keep your Positive Life Goals in mind any time you're thinking
about where you've been.
It's a natural aspect of life that we never stop having learning experiences. Life
is a classroom. Once we've mastered something we naturally get bored and we want
to do something new. Since we're not good at that next thing-it's new to us-we make
mistakes because we lack the knowledge and skill to do it well the first time. Making
mistakes is how we learn-by trial and error. We learn more from our "mistakes" (what
we do incorrectly) than we do from our successes. Our successes reinforce us for
what we already know; they don't propel us forward into fresh territory. From our
"mistakes" we learn something new, something we didn't already know. That makes
them valuable; that makes them worth experiencing. So stop thinking of them as mistakes.
Really they're the opposite of mistakes because they teach us what we need to know
in order to achieve our goals. They're on target. We're here because we're aiming
to learn, so when we miss the mark it was a good shot!
Without trial and error, mistakes and learning experiences, there might be no point
in our being here at all.
It is supremely useful for us to have a non-judgmental attitude toward making the
mistakes that provide us with learning experiences. Mistakes are inevitable; they
are necessary for learning to take place. Our judgment can be good, but it can never
be perfect. Learning experiences help to improve it. I've heard that "Good judgment
comes from experience, and experience comes from poor judgment." That sounds accurate
to me. An accepting attitude toward our inevitable errors of aim is essential to
our progress; an unaccepting attitude is always an impediment: it slows us down,
compounds our errors, and perpetuates bad habits. It is a mistake to think that
you can or should avoid making mistakes. That attitude leads to confusion, boredom
and desperation. To try to avoid making mistakes is to avoid living. Fear of making
mistakes-"perfectionism"-is the fear of living life on its own terms. It is fear
of life. Life can only be lived profitably on its own terms. Perfection is unattainable;
it is out of synch with reality; it is another bad habit that can be cleared.
 | THINK RESPONSIBLY! |
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