"This chapter is designed to help you get the most out of your habit change adventures
by showing you how to take advantage of the power of language in the words you use
to accomplish it."
"Unintentional influences on our mind caused our bad habits; it is through intentional
influences that we clear them. Both processes employ exactly the same principles."
"Talking without first carefully engaging the conscious mind in an educated way
is a serious threat to our mental, emotional and physical health and well being."
"Through simple lack of awareness people talk more or less by accident, with little
appreciation for the fact that they may be having an effect on someone."
Intentionally Influence the Subconscious Mind
I have learned a great deal about the power of language and words by studying and
practicing hypnosis. I learned that it is possible to intentionally influence the
subconscious mind and thereby all of our habits. I also realized that it is equally
possible to influence the subconscious mind unintentionally, and that such unintentional
influences can be for better or for worse. Unintentional influences on our mind
caused our bad habits; it is through intentional influences that we clear them.
Both processes employ exactly the same principles.
Power of Words and Language
At this point in our human evolution no one can any longer dismiss the power of
thought and words. From their fundamental role in creating the minute-by-minute
reality of our social, professional, interpersonal and even physical worlds, to
their equally critical role in shaping our second-by-second physiological and emotional
chemistry, neurology, and endocrinology, the power of words and language cannot
be denied.
Since the words and language that we use-with ourselves and with the others in our
life-are so profoundly influential, it behooves us to be as careful as possible.
This is as true when we are communicating within our own mind about our habits as
it is when we are talking to someone else. This chapter is designed to help you
get the most out of your habit change adventures by showing you how to take advantage
of the power of language in the words you use to accomplish it.
Effect of Words is Likely to
Be Negative
If I am not clear about what EFFECT I want to have (and also clear about how to
achieve that EFFECT), then the EFFECT I have could go either way: it could be positive
or negative, beneficial or harmful-for better or for worse. I just don't know. It's
a gamble, a crap shoot. I wonder how many of us are thinking about this as we talk
our way through the day.
I have noticed that, if I leave it up to chance, if I talk relatively at random-if
I shoot from the lip (as it appears that most of us do)-without giving much thought
to what specific EFFECT I want to have or to what EFFECT I'm actually having, then
the EFFECT is more likely to be negative than positive. This is true whether I'm
talking to myself or to someone else. And I'm convinced the same thing is true of
everyone.
In the many thousands of conversations I have heard or participated in, by far the
vast majority of people-even when they're not trying to be negative-talk in ways
that are not only unhelpful, but that are far more negative and even detrimental
to their own or someone else's well-being than they can imagine.
Talking and thinking without first carefully engaging the conscious mind in an educated
way is a serious threat to our mental, emotional and physical health and well being.
You will begin to notice it right away after studying this section of the book.
Through simple lack of awareness people talk more or less by accident, like a drunk
driver-all over the road-with little appreciation for the fact that they may be
having an effect on someone. The effect is usually not as positive as their words
might sound on the surface, and often enough it is apt to be (unintentionally) destructive.
Even when we are aiming to have a positive effect we end up having a negative effect
anyway because of our choice of words. This is as true of medical and mental health
practitioners as it is of everybody else. Our culture doesn't yet understand the
power of words. It is the result of a simple lack of awareness, education and practice.
Powerful Effect of Our
Words
As counterproductive as all this random talk is, we cannot be blamed for our mistakes
of thinking and talking. Most of us have probably never thought much about the effect
of what we're saying. It's invisible. Or is it just insensitivity? Haven't we all
heard someone protest about the negative effect someone's words were having on them?
In his own defense the offending person sometimes says "I was only kidding" or "Can't
you take a joke?" But the one who got hurt isn't to blame for the other's verbal
carelessness or abuse. Anyway, it isn't a joke. Humor happens when both people think
something's funny, and "negative humor" isn't humor at all-it's disguised hostility.
Moreover, most people I talk to have never given much thought to what effect they
would want to have on people with their words if it occurred to them that they had
a choice. It's just not on their radar to think of that. It's a foreign concept.
No one ever told them they have that kind of power. If they did, though, how many
people do you know who are ready to take that kind of responsibility for what they
say?
Our mistakes in thinking and talking are the result of our training-or lack thereof.
They're the natural consequence of what we've been told, what we haven't been told
and what we've been exposed to. It's in the water. It's built into our culture-on
the individual, family and institutional levels. We have inadvertently been trained
to be blind to the powerful influence of our words on ourselves and on each other,
as if it didn't exist-and all the time it was making a big difference.
Susceptible to Influence and Suggestion
It is not true that everything you suggest to someone is going to sink in at deep
levels and transform their lives-for better or for worse. Even someone deeply hypnotized
by a professional isn't going to buy into every kind of rubbish you might suggest
to him. Suggestions have to pass muster with the inner security apparatus.
Even though there is no certainty that what you are saying to everyone you talk
to will affect them profoundly, there is every reason to believe that anyone you
talk to is vulnerable in some way to being influenced by what you say to them. Everyone
is susceptible to influence and suggestion, because everyone is connected with everyone
else. We are all growing and evolving; we are open to influence because we have
many common purposes with each other. For one thing, we share a fragile planet.
Every one of us is a work in progress. We're looking for nourishment and sustenance
on our journey. Our radio is turned on. We're downloading information from each
another. Some of that information is poisoned and infectious, but we usually don't
see it coming. Sometimes we didn't even know it happened.
We take on information from each other's thoughts, beliefs and words even if we
are trying not to. This phenomenon has been called "entrainment." Children are especially
vulnerable, but it doesn't stop at childhood. Have you ever heard someone holler
"too much information!" or "Thanks for the visual!"? And how many of us have felt
afraid-or terrified-after receiving a negative suggestion about our health from
a health care practitioner? It can feel-and even be-like a voodoo death curse. We're
getting through, all right, but what do we really want to pass on to each other?
 | THINK RESPONSIBLY! |
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